it's....complicated.

let's leave it at that.
i know, i know, i'm the problemless wonderchild.
don't remind me. PLEASE.

so i bet you're trying to guess what could POSSIBLY be wrong with the problemless wonderchild, right?
yeah. thought so.

well here's the deal.
it's not so much my own problems i'm worried about,
it's everyone else's.
maybe a little of my own, but my problems are so common and annoyingly simple, it's driving me absolutely up the wall, across the ceiling, and back down on the other side of the room.
i have so many friends in need of prayer,
so many friends who aren't even saved,
so many friends who think they ARE saved and are going to be in complete shock one day when they wake up in hell.
i guess you could say my friends are a little overwhelming.

then there's my own problems.
i have a C in math,
a B in history,
and a ton of homework every night.
lately, my life has been one of those 'either-or' situations.
every day, i get to decide what i'll tackle this time around.
homework or youth group.
studious nerd or godly young woman.
good grades or an actual life.
socially inept or a social butterfly.

this year is the second of many to come where i actually have a social life.
where i actually have friends.
friends that give a crap whether i live or die,
whether i choose to eat like a giant hippo or starve myself.
whether i stay on the path in my walk with christ or i choose to stray completely off the trail and attempt to find my own way to the same place.

i never imagined the tenth grade would be so hard.
i have had so much homework this past year,
i had to quit my piano lessons.
i want to BE A PIANIST when i leave college.
i'm going to a music college for that very reason.
i'm giving up the thing i love,
my future,
for my future.
does that even make sense?

whatever.
i guess you could say i need prayer.
please and thank you!
♥